What a Mess!
by The Ninja And The Writer
Summary: Hojo decides to screw with Sephiroth's age in a experiment.  It is Zack and Cloud who have to suffer with the fallout of the once esteemed General.  Stupid Hojo and his Hojo-ness!  Rated T for language!  Child!Kitten!Sephiroth.
1. Things Do Not Bode Well

What a Mess…. Prologue: Things Do Not Bode Well

A/N: Well, I looked at all my valuable ideas for fanfictions that you may or may not see one day, and saw two idea's that I made up long ago, (One before I met KAM!) One of a femme! Sephiroth, the other of a Kiddie! Sephiroth.

KAM: She has some golden ideas locked away…. But wait- what about your _other_ stories?

Ven: They are depressing as Cloud in angst mode. Here and Now: chapter two is being mean, and WWUTB is annoying me. I needed something entertaining. This works rather well for my purposes.

So which will it be? ? Read, review, and find out!

WHAT - THE - HELL?

Sephiroth was in his least favorite place in the entire world. Not that such a feat would be difficult, if one goes by his oddball behavior. But, whether or not that was true, Sephiroth was still in Hojo's godforsaken laboratory. Getting his mako injections, so the demon of Wutai was pretty annoyed, and he took it out mainly on Hojo. Not that anyone could really blame Sephiroth for his just anger at the scientist who had left him cold and unfeeling due to an absolutely miserable childhood, constantly jumping through the scientist's twisted, burning hoops.

Not only was his anger just, but nobody cared for the silver haired man for just being himself, rather, they saw him as a tool. A weapon. The invincible Hero. Once, when he had been around the age of seven, Sephiroth had made it out of the labs, and into a lobby full of Shinra's people.

_He had run around desperately, trying to get a single person to ensure he wasn't going back to that place. And as they had dragged the once boy back toward his prison, a single business woman noticed the strange, crying, silver haired child. _

"_Please! Don't let them take me away!" He had pleaded the woman with every single emotion he had been able to use, sadness, panic, hope, and she looked at him coldly, with a sneer of disdain, she had turned and ignored his every plea as she walked away. _

After that happened, Sephiroth had gotten stronger, deadlier. He had gotten himself convinced that he didn't need anyone. Nope! Not a single person!

But then the SOLDIER known as Zack Fair had gotten himself thrust into the General's life. And though it was slow, the bouncy first class had wormed his way through most of the silver demon's barriers and shields, and Zackary was maybe the one person that Sephiroth could count on not to lie. His second in command had taken it upon himself to get the General some actual social skills, of which, he had none.

WHAT – TO – DO?

Whilst Sephiroth was lost in his musings, he didn't hear Hojo muttering about Sephiroth being easier to control when he was younger. He also missed the excited gleam in Hojo's eyes. And as most people know, Sephiroth in particular, an excited Hojo is not a good Hojo. At least for the man on his operation table.

A strangely small, blue vial of liquid was added to the General's regular mako treatment. Sephiroth didn't even notice when the needle pierced the pale skin along his biceps. Hojo pushed the specimen off his table, making Sephiroth catch himself before he could fall. All the better for Hojo, because that would get Sephiroth's bloodstream to move faster, and let the experimental drug take effect sooner.

Of course, not to soon. Sephiroth would be able to kill Hojo before it fully took effect, and Hojo didn't really want to die. He had many more plans to carry out. Many more interesting experiments to observe. Including this one.

He mentally cackled. Oh, Sephiroth's second in command would be extremely surprised when he saw Project S tomorrow morning, by Hojo's precise calculations. By tomorrow, he would have his more exact answers of what the serum would do.

WHAT - A – MESS!

Sephiroth began the short trek back to his room. His coordination was always just a bit off right after the injections, but this time it felt a little different. On top of that, was the fact Hojo sent him back to the SOLDIER floor without so much as a single test. That was extremely out of character for Hojo, but hey, Zack wouldn't be worrying himself to death.

Sephiroth let out a tired yawn. Today had been busy, and he had to go and see Hojo. That alone managed to exhaust him. However, it was still only three o' clock, and Zack needed to be shown that Sephiroth was out safely. He set Masamune down onto her place, and walked the short distance to Zack's office.

There was a short note left for Sephiroth, it seemed.

_Seph,  
I'm out on mission, b back b4 5. Make yourself at home.  
Zack Fair._

Sephiroth sighed and grabbed his card key out from a hidden slot in the door and walked inside. Zack's room was messy, but Sephiroth didn't mind. Everything in his life had been clean and controlled. Zack was the complete antithesis of that, and Sephiroth loved that.

As Sephiroth continued his walk, the world dimmed around him, and then he realized that he had been drugged! He tried to snap back to his usual state of awareness, but in the effort, the world came crashing down around him.

Sephiroth landed unconscious in a crumpled heap on the bedroom floor of Zack's dormitory.


	2. Why, Zack, Why?

What a Mess!

Chapter 1

A/N: I got 44 hits for this fic in one night, over 100 in the span of a few days. Hot damn. I didn't know people like the idea that much. Well, I don't have much to say, so I guess that I'll just get on with this already. I _will _get back to What We Used To Be, in a couple of days. It is going to be a longer chapter again, so I am ignoring it for now in the favor of writing these other two stories.

WHAT-THE-HELL?

Zack Fair, SOLDIER first class and the Lieutenant General, was late. He had promised his friend, the General himself, that he would be back before five o' clock _last night._ It was now nine in the morning, and he was extremely tired. He had dragged Cloud, the cute little infantryman that looked like a chocobo, with him back to his dorm. Cloud had also been on the assignment with Zack, so neither of them had gotten much sleep. Somehow, they both managed to stumble back to Zack's place without too much trouble, but when Cloud read the note Zack had left for Seph, he practically jumped five feet back from the room.

"Calm down, little chocobo." Zack intoned sleepily. He wasn't really in the mood to deal with _another_ rabid Sephiroth fan. Though Cloud didn't seem like that at all. Cloud looked at him apologetically, and said,

"I'll wait out here, sir. Make sure the General isn't waiting for you." Zack sighed. Cloud wasn't a rabid Sephiroth fan. He probably just admired him as the General. Most people failed to see that he also was completely human, if a bit off in his social cues, and suffering from bipolar disorder. If he could get Cloud to know the General better…. It would be awesome for the guy. Seph really needed more friends.

Zack smiled. "Neh, he's cool. He won't be mad if someone else is over, but yeah, I should go check on him." Cloud nodded and leant against a wall. (Why the hell he was trying to sleep like that, Zack would probably never know) And so our Lieutenant General went inside his dorm not entirely prepared for the situation at hand.

As soon as Zack noticed Masamune was laying on the floor rather than being in its designated spot on the wall, or at least, designated by Sephiroth. Zack was kind of pissed when Seph just started putting it where he once kept shoes and umbrellas on rainy days, but like usual, the Silver Demon of Wutai got his way, and now the sword was almost always there. But either way, it was a bad sign that something had happened while Zack was out. And by something he meant Hojo, the bastard scientist who tortured his best friend. And that alone was enough to put Hojo on Zack's list. "Seph?" Zack called out tentatively. After Hojo's appointments, Sephiroth could be depressed as hell, still normal- at least, still as normal as the guy could be, anyways, or waiting to spring on Zack to kill him. He loved the guy, but he still appreciated his life, and his bouts of mania were not the best way to ensure that Zack would live to see the light of another day.

That was when he noticed the small bundle of black leather clothes, so obviously Sephiroth's, because Zack didn't own anything like it. He wore the designated SOLDIER outfits, nothing more. Zack scoffed. Was Sephiroth running about the place naked? He almost laughed at the idea. Almost. It seemed that it was a very good thing that he didn't drag Cloud in here with him.

_Well, not much I can do until Seph reveals himself._ Zack went over to go pick up the clothes, but was surprised when there was something still inside it. He stared at the lump in curiosity. But imagine his surprise when it _moved._

"HOLY SHIT! DEAR GAIA! SWEET SHIVA!"

He promptly dropped the mass to the ground, and ran out the door in terror.

WHAT –TO – DO?

Zack missed the innocent little head that popped its way out of the now too big clothes, and the way his arms came out of sleeves that were far too long and made their way to the floor as he picked himself up. He looked around in confusion, tears forming in his eyes because he found out that he was alone again. It didn't help that he had just been dropped, after being harshly woken up by screaming. Sephiroth had never liked being woken up from a pleasant dream where he had been able to forget that nobody cared about him, only to be slapped in his face with the reality of his life.

He didn't remember exactly how he got here, or when his hair grew out so much he could use it as a blanket, but it didn't really matter. Sephiroth felt the familiar wrench in his gut, the feeling whenever Hojo put him on the lab table naked, stretching him out for the whole world to see. Whenever he resisted the terrible things that involved needles and a never ending cycle of pain and misery, the same old whispers of "You're a monster. Who would ever help you?" Came to haunt him. He wiped away the newly formed tears from his eyes with small, slightly chubby hands. He was alone once again. Might as well try to sleep before Hojo came to get him.

Sephiroth curled up once again, allowing his hair to surround him, and the clothes to bury his tiny form from the world around him that absolutely hated monsters like himself. And with those thoughts as his last, he let his eyes shut in sleep once more.

WHAT – A – MESS!

Cloud was curious to see what had scared his commanding officer so much that he ran out of his own room and across the hall to the elevator, where he just kept, well, pacing until it came and he left the blond trooper to stand there, confused.

He understood that the General probably had to go to Hojo on a regular basis, but Cloud found it hard to believe that whatever the scientist did, creepy as he may be, could scare Zack that much. So, instead of waiting for the horrified Lieutenant General to return Cloud walked into the room. He saw the famed sword- the Masamune- in all her beauty and terror, lying abandoned on the floor.

Cloud spoke in a soft voice, "Well, that won't work at all." He picked the impossibly long sword up and delicately placed it against the wall. He then left it, in favor of trying to see the problem, because while Masamune was fearsome on the battlefield, he doubted that the sword was what scared the wits out of Zack Fair. That man was incredibly stupid when it came to taking risks, Cloud would know.

That was when he came across the black pile of leather clothes piled on the floor. But, before Cloud walked over, he swore that he could see them move, as if something inside was breathing. He blamed it on his overactive imagination, but he walked over to the clothes anyways, just to check.

He gasped as he felt that something was indeed inside the clothes, something small and incredibly warm. That was when he picked the little bundle up. It felt…. Like a human child. Cloud sifted through the clothes to find the collar, and then he reached inside. He almost dropped the kid when he felt the _hair_. That was a lot of hair for a kid to have. It was probably longer than the child was tall. Cloud eventually found the head of the kid. He delicately pulled it through the top of the cloak, and was unsurprised to see that he was asleep. What he was surprised to see, was that the child was a spitting image of the Silver General, Sephiroth himself, except, well, younger. Cloud would have to guess that the child was anywhere in the range of four years, to six.

The child looked like he had just cried, with wet tracks lining pale cheeks. Cloud's heart softened and he allowed himself to act naturally as he let his hands run through the boy's hair. The sleeping child leaned into his calloused hands, and Cloud could almost hear a _purring_ come from the boy. He just let the boy lie like that, sleeping against his form, until Cloud felt the lack of sleep catch up to him. Cloud kept the boy in his arms, and went over to Zack's couch. He let himself drift off to sleep.


	3. No More Pain

What a Mess! Chapter 2

A/N: Apparently people really like this idea more than my others ones. I got 4 reviews in one day. I went from one hit on the story to 209. If you want me to write any of my stories more, I do respond to reviews and favoriting. I will PM you if you review. Unless, they are maybe 'Update soon' ones, then I don't do much. I now have 256 hits, 2 favs, 4 alerts, and 4 reviews for a story that was just over 2,000 words before this update. Those stats were about the same as What We Used To Be, and that makes me kinda sad, because that one has 17,000 words and more. Although, I have indeed received a lot of hits on it, I have 7 reviews for 6 chapters. I have 4 reviews for 2 here, and one of them was a prologue. Thank you, Kairin597, sunset in love and Wingsong5555 for those reviews. It gets cuter.

KAM: AWWWW! Ven, you had such a girly side! *Is reading Daughter of the Crossfire*

Ven: *Hangs head in SHAME* Femme! Seph was fun to write….

KAM: Were YOU like this when you were a teen?

Ven: *Mumbles* Perhaps….

WHAT – THE – HELL?

Zack Fair was currently in Reno and Rude's office, venting what need to be vent. "The guy fucking jumps out at me when he is feeling a bit on the manic side of his bipolar disorder, but seriously, I don't exactly expect the guy to pull some wayward prank on me involving a cat inside his clothes. And the real Sephiroth was quite possibly watching me while he was naked in a corner. I swear! The cat scared the shit out of me! There was a tail and everything, I mean, what the fuck?" Zack had resorted to talking Rude's ear off, not that the bald Turk minded, of course, but as for Reno…

"MY MILKSHAKE BRINGS ALL THE BOY'S TO THE YARD, DAMN RIGHT! IT'S BETTER THAN YOURS!" Reno came into the room wearing only a towel, as he had just walked out of his shower. (1) Zack just stared on in horror as the Turk turned his attention to the only SOLDIER in the room. "Spikey, what the hell you doin' here, yo?" Reno asked out of curiosity.

Rude had his head held in his hands, "Zack, you should go, before you wind up more disturbed in the head than this dumbass here." Zack didn't need to be told twice. He held a shocked face for a moment before running out of there like Ifrit himself was at his heels.

It seemed that it was all too soon when he made his way back to his apartment. Zack sighed, "What am I going to do if Cloud went inside and ended up with the business end of Masamune." He resigned himself to the fate of never forgiving himself if the little chocobo ended up dead, and walked into his apartment.

While Masamune was picked off the floor and placed on a wall, he could not see any blood stains on it or his walls. He had a bit more confidence then, since it was more than a little piece of evidence that belied his doubt. It showed as he gait became the normally bouncy thing it was. "Seph?" He called out, pretty certain that his friend was back to normal and had not killed anything. "Cloud?" Or anyone. Seph had once told him that if he ever killed someone, 'Make sure that I do not live. I wouldn't want to live like that anymore, once I had something like death hanging over my shoulders.' So he had promised his superior officer that he would kill him if he ever did something unspeakable like that. Zack still hoped that he wouldn't have to be the one to end his friend's life.

He got a good look at the clock. It was almost twelve, and Zack still hadn't slept. He was about to start getting cranky, but held back the urge to do such before he found out about his two friend's whereabouts.

Zack walked into his living room, to find the chocobo-like SOLDIER trainee sleeping on his couch, cuddling with what appeared to be the General's clothes. _Oh the black mail, _Zack grinned deviously at the thought, he ran into his kitchen, rummaged through the shelves before he found what he had been looking for. His camera. He aimed the picture on the sleeping cadet's face, which was drooling, and also somehow managing to ignore the tired green eyes that watched him with curiosity through the sleeve in General Sephiroth's leather coat, where his chest normally showed through.

When the flash went off, he was grinning a mile a minute before he heard the terrified scream that did not come from Zack or Cloud. Zack promptly dropped his camera and Cloud woke up from his dead sleep at the noise. Whatever that was inside the coat was struggling furiously, trying desperately to _get away from the flash. _Cloud let it go, and Zack's mouth dropped to the floor in horror when he saw what was inside escape.

It was a pale kid whose head popped out from the proper hole, but he had silver hair that was trailing on the ground behind him. His feet were trying and failing to run, finding only that the poor kid tripped on his own limbs and hair, so he resorted to dragging himself into the corner with strangely strong looking arms for such an obviously young child. But it wasn't until he saw the eyes and heard the terrified voice of the youth before Zack's mind began to piece together what exactly had taken place in Dr. Creepy's lab last night. " 'Way, away from me! Get.. 'way! No want, don' want." The poor child was close to tears. "Last time, with shiny's… Bad! Bad thing! Hurt, hurt everywhere!"

Cloud looked at Zack with a look on his face, one that clearly asked him and told Zack, _Whatcha gonna do now, smart one? You started this, fix it!_

Zack's heart softened at the image in front of him. This child…. Was surprisingly like Sephiroth, at least when the guy went into his miniature breakdowns left from the mental scars of being raised by Hojo. He let himself act naturally and held his hands out in surrender. "Hey, don't cry," Zack's voice had become soft, and hopefully soothing to the agitated child. "I won't hurt you."

The child's cries came down to sniffles, before, finally the child looked up at him with confusion and distrust, and asked Zack with a shaky voice. "No….. Hurt?"

Zack smiled, and told the tentative child, "Yeah, no hurt."

WHAT – TO – DO?

Cloud Strife stared in wonder at the mini-Sephiroth and Zack in amazement. At first, had been angry with his CO for waking him up with a scream, but then, to his upmost confusion, Mini- Seph tried to escape his tight grasp. He had let the kid go, but was more than a little angry at Zack for scaring a kid so badly. The glare he had given the spiky haired SOLDIER had indeed demanded that Zack fix the situation that he had undoubtedly caused, even though it was possibly unintentional by how Zack had flipped.

Then, Zack managed to get the young child calm once more. It had indeed taken time, but then, once again, cat eyes stared at the two older teens in the room. Zack was seventeen and Cloud himself was fifteen. A shaky voice once more came out of the child's mouth. "Where…. Who….?" The kid was adorable in his confusion, Cloud could see the gears trying to turn in the young child's head.

Thankfully, Zack broke the awkward silence with a cheerful introduction. "Well, I am Zack Fair, this is Cloud Strife, although you can call him Chocobo if the desire strikes you to." Cloud gave his CO a glare.

"And you can call that idiot porcupine should you wish," Cloud retorted with some mild contempt in his voice, before turning back to see that the kid had no recognition of Zack, whatsoever. "You are in Zack's room right now. We found you here."

"Do you remember how you got here, kid?" Zack's voice came in louder than Cloud's own soft voice, and when the mystery kid shook his head and frowned in an adorable way, with his eyebrows scrunching up, obviously trying to recall the events that transpired and led him to this moment. Cloud barely managed to suppress his 'Awwww' at the sight.

Zack rubbed a hand through his hair, the child stared at the gesture with longing in his eyes, and Cloud remembered the reaction the child had had to having his hair treated like that. Cloud put a hand on the child's hand, and once more, the kid leaned into his touch, but this time, the action moved his odd bangs out of the way, and revealed a pair of little silver cat ears in the place where his old human ones were supposed to be. Although, these were slightly higher on his head. Cloud immediately stopped his movements and Zack stared in shock. The kid looked up to see what had caused the sudden stop in the soothing movements, raising his hand to feel his head, and looked surprised when he felt the soft ears.

"That's new…" The child's voice came out as a whisper. It was then his tail, which matched both his hair and the ears, made itself known.

Cloud shook his head to get rid of the initial shock. Zack had already beaten him to the question by the time he managed to. "So, kid, what is your name." How exactly Zack was getting around the fact that he had a Sephiroth look-a-like in his bedroom, cat ears and tail included, Cloud had no idea. Then again, this was Zack Fair, and he was possibly hiding a freak out behind his good natured smile he was currently giving the cute little cat-child.

The kid gave a sad smile, one that reflected his too-old eyes and said. "I am called most often specimen 'S'…. but…. When Gast was here…. I was called…. Sephiroth…."

And what exactly that could mean, Cloud had no idea.

WHAT – A – MESS!

Zack stared at the kid for a long time. Was he really _Sephiroth?_ He supposed that it indeed made some mild sense, considering that Gast had once been almost like a father figure to the guy before Gast had died when Sephiroth was maybe nine or ten years old. But the guy left Sephiroth at age 4.

That was enough to put Gast on Zack's list.

It had taken Zack so long just to get Sephiroth comfortable with the presence of another human being, said being was himself, obviously, but it still was a challenge to make Seph this comfortable with anyone else, preferring to hide behind his flawless mask as the General.

Zack thought about everything that had lead up to this.

He had left on a suspiciously pointless mission while Seph had a visit with Hojo, and that in itself was odd, since the Turk's often took those missions away from him if they overlapped appointments since Zack would help Sephiroth directly afterwards. It was an unspoken agreement.

Then, he and Cloud had received more orders to go take down a nest full of monsters, and that had taken them until early in the morning, and by that time Sephiroth had been done with Hojo for a few hours.

Then, he had opened his door to find Masamune, normally so carefully handled, cast to the side, almost as if it had been dropped.

The cat-child that had awoken indeed looked like a younger Sephiroth, and told Zack about Gast, someone who has been missing, then found dead…. Almost twenty years ago. And he called himself a Specimen of Hojo's creation, and Zack was familiar on how the callous scientist treated his good friend. Hojo had once told Zack, and while it was unintentional through his mutterings, that Zack was tainting specimen 'S', and Hojo had never once mentioned Sephiroth as a human.

Would Hojo really go so far as to erase all of Sephiroth's memories of his older self, just so he could have an untainted specimen?

_Yes, he would._ Zack thought grimly.

But, there was a plus side to this whole situation. If Sephiroth didn't have all of his problems fully developed, perhaps Zack could stop his friend from ever getting to that point again.

Zack could give Sephiroth the childhood that he had been denied. No, not could. Zack _would_ give this little Seph the life he deserved. And while he might never be completely normal, since some things could not be changed, the inferiority complex that raised its head when Zack was only a little busy, like he had to go shopping, while Sephiroth was off somewhere bleeding to death. Zack almost smiled in the sadness of the memory.

_Zack was walking down a street in Midgar, going to get something for his girlfriend, Aerith, when suddenly, his PHS rang. He was mildly annoyed, but as he saw the caller I.D., he was no longer so annoyed. _

_It was Sephiroth. _

"_Yo, Seph, I am a little busy. What's up?" _

_He heard a pained breath coming from the phone. "Z…Za...ck?" His friend choked out, and Zack was immediately worried. "I…If… yo…you….'re…. Bu…sy… I…. Co….could…." The rest of the words were lost in a pained gasp, but Zack understood the meaning of it. _

"_Seph, where are you? Stay with us, man!" Zack was very disturbed at the idea of Sephiroth being so weak. _

_He breathed out deeply, trying to figure out the best course of action. But then it hit him. Turks! _

"_Seph, stay on the line, I can get Tseng to trace your signal!" _

"_Ye…Yes…. Za….ck?" His friend turned his name into a question. _

"_Yeah, Sephiroth?"_

"_So….Sorr…ry…. for…. Dis…turb…ing…. You….." Zack grinned sadly when his friend blamed himself for a situation out of his control. _

"_It's not your fault." _

When Tseng and his Turks had finally found him, Sephiroth was barely breathing, most of his blood in a pool around him, he had been caught off guard by sudden reinforcements when he was already slightly injured and unable to fight with his whole capacity as a limb or two was broken. He had been left to die, and he had been sorry for 'disturbing' a shopping trip.

This little child carried so many of his older self's qualities, and Zack knew it just had to be his best friend.

He had picked the child, Sephiroth himself, up, and placed the little head inside the crook of his neck. Sephiroth's entire body had tensed, but subsequently relaxed as Zack drew his hand through long silver hair, and he whispered into Sephiroth's ear. "Alright then, Seph. Let's get you cleaned up."

Cloud was staring at him in shock and awe, but Zack just flashed him a grin as little fingers wound their way into his shirt.

Insert – epic – page – break – here

A/N: 1: You all know he would so totally do this, don't lie to yourselves.

Press that little button on the bottom of the screen, the one that is labeled REVIEW, plz? I update faster with reviews.

BTW, I has a poll on my profile about which story you want me to update first, I would like the help, as I now have three serious stories going on here.


	4. Like a Kittycat

What a Mess! Chapter 3

A/N: Damn. People really seem to like this idea. I now have 7 reviews for a 3 chapter story. I also have 8 alerts and 3 favs. My hits have more than doubled when I posted my last chapter. And now, it has officially been added to a community. Da-yum, again! Thank you once again **Kairin597** and **Wingsong5555** for reviewing chapter 2. As for the poll question, click on my profile name and you should see something underneath my user name that says "Poll" with a bar graph next to it. It has a link with the words "Vote Now!"

Kairin597, yes, Hojo probably extracted cat DNA and used Jenova's plasmids to integrate it. (Google what plasmid's are if you aren't a science geek) And, let's not forget that our favorite way to describe how Seph speaks is "Purring." *Waggles eyebrows suggestively* Fans should have seen that one coming. Besides, if people can make Zack a puppy, then I see Cloud as a Kitteh, same with Sephiroth and Genesis. Rename Genesis as 'Sir most likely not to be appearing in this fic', because I have enough issues going on here without having to worry about him and Angeal intruding and taking the spotlight.

OMG, it's Ethereal! **Glimpse of Ethereal Blue**, thanks for reading my stories, and yes, my mind is a Pandora's box. You should see the other things going on up in here. KAM says hi. She got what I got, if you know what I mean. Damn the disease from hell. XD

Enough with the babble, on with the Neko-cuteness of Child Seph, read and review! I write faster if you do! And I can fix mistakes!

WHAT – THE – HELL?

Sephiroth was finally nice and clean after a much needed bath. He was also coming to terms with the odd fact that he had cat ears and a tail. Not much that he could do about it, after all. He was just Hojo's 'Specimen', and he had long since comes to terms with that. It had been one year ago, after all, when _it _happened. He hadn't even known how to read at the time. But Hojo had been sure that he learned after the incident, just so he would know exactly what the bad thing did.

It had been Sephiroth's forth 'birthday', as professor Gast had once called it. His last one had been celebrated with Gast, and he had that yummy thing called cake. He thought it would be the same.

Oh, how wrong had he been.

Hojo had taken him to the white room, where the pain came. He had to bathe in the green stuff for all of the morning. Gast said that wouldn't happen on 'Birthday's'! And once that was over with, he was taken to a weird place with the long pointy things. But these ones where connected to color filled jars. Hojo had strapped him down, and instead of merely sticking the needle into his veins, he had carved and colored in a digit into Sephiroth's left wrist. It could not be scrubbed off, to Sephiroth's horror. It would be there forever, a cursed reminder of his status of monster, of being a specimen.

The first number Sephiroth had learned. 1.

The next day his studies began, torturous and long, he was created to know everything, the knowledge forced into his head through misery. It was then…. _They _came. They fawned over him, he couldn't hear all they had said of him, but the man Hojo called, 'President Shinra', was interested in Sephiroth. He had brought the flashes once before, some laughing when Sephiroth began to react badly to them. The flash hurt his eyes, causing him to temporarily lose vision. They gawked and took several 'pictures' of Sephiroth trying to do his tasks that Hojo gave them to him. It got harder and harder, as the tasks went on he found himself unable to see, and beginning to fail.

Somehow, he had carried on with some success, but Hojo had been callous with him that night, making sure that he knew that failure was unacceptable, and therefore, the shiny's were not good things. They meant failure, and failure meant pain. He had been slightly afraid of them ever since that day.

These two, however, they treated him much like Gast treated him. Zack was a bit of a joker, and he was willing to carry Sephiroth around since his hair seemed to enjoy tripping him. Cloud was really nice, he pet his hair, and for whatever reason, it felt really good, like he could just _melt_ into a puddle. While Sephiroth wasn't entirely sure what the noise coming from his throat was, it felt… natural.

"So, uh… Seph?" Sephiroth snapped out of his musings and turned toward Zack. "I am kind of tired, umm…." Sephiroth tilted his head in curiosity, the tip of his tail making a delicate ark behind him in silent questioning.

Cloud stepped in before Zack could finish asking. "Zack, you should get some sleep, I highly doubt that someone, even a SOLDIER, could handle a child on nothing. I can take care of Sephiroth." Zack smiled gratefully at the blonde, before trudging into his room without another word, just a ruffle through Cloud's, than Sephiroth's hair. Only a few minutes later could snoring be heard from behind the door.

And thus Cloud and Sephiroth were left alone.

Cloud just turned toward the child and said, "Sephiroth, you, my friend, need a haircut."

"A what?" Cloud chuckled at what must have been a confused face.

"Your hair. It's too long, you need to get some of it cut off." Cloud stood up from the couch he had been sitting on, and looked at Sephiroth, now wrapped in a towel. "And now that I think of it, some clothes that fit would be nice, too."

Cloud picked the child up in his arms and Sephiroth just stared at him. Why was Cloud doing this for him? He sighed and let himself be carried back towards the bathroom. Cloud sat him atop the countertop, and removed a pair of scissors from the drawer. Sephiroth eyed the offensive silver objects suspiciously, but Cloud noticed his discomfort and effectively made him a pile of goo by running a hand through his long silver locks. "Good thing it's still wet, otherwise you would have to wash it again." Sephiroth found himself uncaring, so long as the hands kept moving. Cloud probably cut off a good foot and a half of hair, before it would just gracefully touch his knees. "There, Seph, that's better." Cloud finally stopped his hands, and Sephiroth was a little miffed at that, but it wasn't his place. It was more than what he usually got, after all. But there was one thing pulling at his mind.

"Why do you keep calling me Seph?"

Cloud looked surprised at the question. "Why wouldn't we?"

Sephiroth struggled to find the right words to describe his situation. "Hojo… calls me Specimen, and Gast… call_ed_ me Sephiroth." Sephiroth emphasized the past tense, Gast wouldn't be coming back. He was young, but definitely not naïve. "'Seph' doesn't fit in with either of those." He must have been pretty stupid looking, as Cloud began to laugh at him, and Sephiroth immediately tried to close himself off from the world again, only to see Cloud stop his laughing and look at Sephiroth with sad eyes.

"Well, then. For starters, Specimen S is not a proper name for a little boy, now is it?"

"I wouldn't know." Cloud gave him another sad, disappointed look, and Sephiroth once again began to reconstruct his mask, but what Cloud said next stopped him cold.

"Seph, you were born with name, and that name is Sephiroth. Hojo, from what I can get from your and Zack's explanation, is one hell of a sadistic madman. You were- are- a child, how could he manage to screw with you so much that you wouldn't know a name from a brand?"

And Sephiroth's voice was so quiet that he was certain that Cloud could not hear him. "It's because I am a monster."

And the look Cloud gave him was one indescribably sad, it softening his eyes so that Sephiroth could see Cloud's own hurt, and Cloud's voice softly broke the silence. "You aren't a monster. Hojo is the monster here, for making you think such a thing."

Sephiroth felt his eyes slowly widen as he looked up at the older boy. He wasn't a monster? But…. Then why? Why did Hojo always…. Sephiroth could feel something hot at the edges of his eyes, that thing that he always felt when he got overstimulated.

"Why? Why would he… he…. He said that…. Humans didn't…."

Cloud wrapped his arms around the child as he questioned the existence that he had accepted as one of a monster.

WHAT – TO – DO?

Cloud wasn't even sure what to make of the situation. Sephiroth had thought of himself as a monster? Had Cloud changed something that shouldn't have been changed?

No, he hadn't. No human being should have to live with thinking of themselves so lowly, so horribly. Cloud had hardly noticed when the young child had fallen asleep. If Cloud hadn't set that right in this version of Sephiroth, who knew what could have happened? He shivered at the thought.

This version of Sephiroth could probably not do too much damage. Probably. And if he could, it was highly unlikely, as this Sephiroth was liking the attention he and Zack were giving him, and would most likely not kill them. The great General, however, could do a lot of damage if he had found the truth out after living with that deep, morally affecting, earth shattering lie. Cloud couldn't imagine his reaction to such a terrible finding, nor did he want to find out. Cloud picked himself and the child up from the uncomfortable, then, he looked at the sleepy head resting against his shoulder. Cloud couldn't help but notice the tiny sliver ears, twitching as the boy attached dreamed. They really did seem to go well with the young child's demeanor. Cloud settled on nicknaming the boy Kitten, as Cloud was Chocobo, and Zack was Porcupine or Puppy. The child made a small noise in his sleep as Cloud ran a hand through the silver hair.

If that Sephiroth hadn't known the truth, Cloud would make certain that this Sephiroth did.

He deserved it.

WHAT – A – MESS!

Zack woke up to the always welcome smell of pancakes and bacon. He practically jumped out of bed, and ran out the door like a kid on Christmas morning. "Spike! What's that I smell!"

Cloud let out a small chuckle at the First's excitement, and told the CO, "Pancakes and bacon, it's time for a late brunch. A reeeally late brunch." Zack looked over at the clock, and was pleased to see that he had gotten more than six hours of sleep.

He looked over to his table, and was half-surprised to see the young version of Sephiroth hadn't been a dream. Either way, he smiled at the young boy, and received a curious gaze in return. He scooted his way over to the table and plopped himself down next to his once commanding officer. "Well, Seph, I love Spike's cooking, I mean, I have no cooking skills whatsoever, and he learned how from his mom. His pancakes are absolutely delicious!"

"What are pancakes, Zack?" The boy's ears perked up as he asked, and the tail was waving back and forth until it rounded into a question mark.

"Well, they are these little dollops of sunshine that you eat with maple syrup."

"It would be safe to assume that the sun is non-consumable, so why are we eating it as a delicacy?" Zack was amazed at the little guy's vocabulary.

"Because it tastes good!" Zack laughed at the face that evoked out of Sephiroth. "By the way, how old are you?"

"I am five years old. Soon to be turning six." When Zack had been five, he had been learning how to chant his ABC's. Sephiroth, apparently, had been learning battle strategies and diplomacy, already having mastered the Midgarian language.

"Well then, kiddo, when is your birthday?" Sephiroth's face scrunched up in thought.

"November sixteenth, I am almost certain." Zack kept smiling, he had already known that. But the simple fact that Sephiroth knew why the sun should be non-consumable in an instant, but the little guy actually had to think hard to recall when his birthday was, saddened the First.

"Well, then, it's April now, so we'll just have to remember that!" Sephiroth dipped his head in acknowledgement, and Cloud called them for what was actually closer to dinner than the supposed breakfast it was.

"Pancakes, Zack!"

Zack eagerly got up from the table, dragging Sephiroth behind him. "Yum, spike!" He grabbed a plate for both himself and Sephiroth, thrusting the second into the latter's hands. Giving them both ample amounts, he made Sephiroth sit between himself and Cloud, and allowed the boy to taste the delicacies.

Sephiroth bit into them tentatively, then showed surprise and finally enjoyment as he quickly ate the serving he had been given. When he was done, the boy's ears flattened against his head in displeasure. And it was the Zack got the idea to test something out.

"Hey Cloud, can you pass the apron?" He looked surprised, but handed it over anyways.

"Yeah…. But why do you want it?" Zack grinned at the question.

"Don't you want to see how cat-like our little friend is?" Sephiroth looked slightly uneasy at Zack's expression, and looked even the slightest bit afraid when Zack lifted up the end of the apron in front of his face. But that face quickly left, as Zack simply dangled it in his face.

Silver ears rose from where they had been flattened out of curiosity, and Sephiroth's expression showed the same curiousness. Then, a little hand rose off the table, to bat at it. And he did, at least until Zack used his longer arms to put it out of Sephiroth's reach, and it was on the other side of the table. Sephiroth's eyes never left the end of it, and before anyone could do anything, a little body was laying straight across the table, arms stretched out in front of him. His face scrunched up in frustration, until Zack dragged the tail of the apron across all to sensitive ears, and Sephiroth was on his back, batting at the apron. Cloud was in hysterics, and Zack was chuckling softly.

Sephiroth seemed to notice, and he quickly got off the table, shame-faced and blushing.

Zack decided to break the silence. "Well, kid. That was adorable," and major blackmail. But Zack wasn't going to say that to Sephiroth. "You really are mixed with a kitty."


	5. Happy Easter Little Seph!

What a Mess! Chapter 4

A/N: Alright, why must readers love something that while I find it cute, I haven't yet come up with a plot line… But the _other story I have _has already taken a giant leap in plot. I really love that other story nobody reads, you know, Daughter of the Crossfire. Although it is practically fluff while I make Genesis fall in love with Femme!Seph, it has a _plotline_. Hooray for plot! This story, on the other hand, has received a shitload of attention, and I would feel guilty for leaving it behind…. So, I'll continue writing it. But I would appreciate suggestions of things Zack, Cloud and Seph should do together. (Nothing perverted! Sephiroth is currently five years old, and there is no fixing it! At least, until his sixth/26 birthday….) So I would love to hear ideas of what to do with this, leave a review or PM me with whatever idea's you have.

And, which- if any- other characters do you want in on this?

Some quick thanks all around to those who reviewed last chapter, **Wingsong5555**and **Kairin597**, you two have reviewed this since the beginnings, and I am glad I have your support.

New Reviewers! **Kiwasaki-chan3**, I am glad that you are enjoying the story, and yes, Stupid Hojo and his Hojo-ness. I might have to quote that. XD Chibi-Kitty Seph is going in the summery! That is an amazing description. Also, **GNXmike**, I understand that this might not make sense; I did it because I had a Neko-Sephiroth haunting my dreams, demanding attention. **Purple Pallbearer**: Awwwww- thanks!

DISCLAIMER (I have completely forgotten): If I owned FF7, would I be writing this right now, or making it happen?

WHAT – THE – HELL?

It was April 23, and Zack Fair had a plan. That never really was a good thing, Cloud was finding out.

You see, Sephiroth had revealed that he had no idea what Easter was! What was up with that? Even the poorest children in the slums knew of the Easter bunny and his candy! The only reason that Cloud hadn't strangled Hojo with his own intestines was because he still wanted to become a SOLDIER. And, because Hojo has kept everyone hush-hush on the fact that the General had gone missing. When in reality, he was staring at Cloud as the cadet tried to explain a holiday that in truth, even he didn't quite get the religious-to-pop culture explanation.

"Well, we celebrate it because, Ummmm, I should have done this over the course of the week….. Zack, what should I tell him?"

Zack flapped a hand from where he was plotting out a map, of sorts. "Listen, Seph, There is a bunny that comes by and gives you candy."

"A rodent breaks into Zack's dorm and gives us candy?" That had Cloud giggling. Sephiroth's little face always scrunched up whenever he got confused, and the tail was acting of its' own accord.

Zack was full out laughing, and Sephiroth's ears twitched at the sound. "What exactly is so funny about this situation, _Zackary?" _For a just a couple of seconds, Sephiroth's voice mirrored his older selves, but it quickly came back to the softness of little Seph. "I don't see why that is not a good explanation."

Apparently, just that one word in the General's voice killed the playful mood. Zack stopped laughing and stared at little Seph for a long while. "Sir….?" Zack asked with tension hanging in the word.

Apparently Sephiroth wasn't somehow mysteriously older, as his tail made the question mark shape to express his confusion. "Zack, you are older than me." Cloud almost scoffed at the statement, it was so blatantly _obvious_ if you looked at him. "Why on Gaia would I be 'Sir' to you?" Then again, the child had been more than twenty just two weeks ago.

Zack just shook his head to dispel the thought, and then he gave the boy a smile. "It's nothing, Seph."

Cloud walked over and picked the child up with ease, and the boy let out a little yawn. It was late, and the boy was probably tired. His tail drooped almost in response to Cloud's deduction. He carried the boy to the guest bedroom that he and Cloud shared on occasion, and laid Sephiroth down to sleep. He looked like a little kitten as he slept, his ears twitching and tail waving around the bed.

He _would _celebrate the holiday like every other kid his age. And that meant Cloud had to go against his every instinct and follow through with Zack's plan.

WHAT – TO – DO?

When Sephiroth next woke up, there was an odd sense of tension in the dorm. He had gotten up all too early, once more. He sighed, as there wasn't much he could do until the elder two woke up. He sat on the edge of his bed with the puppy comforter; Zack seemed to get a kick out of his choice in bedding, for some odd reason. Then again, there _was_ some irony in the mattress, Sephiroth supposed. He had cat ears and a tail, yet he was sleeping with puppy sheets and a matching comforter.

The tension was proving to be far too much for the five year old. He sighed, and gave up his resolve to wait until the others awoke, so then he walked on soft feet out into the main room. The clock, glowing a blood red color, announced that it was an un-holy hour, and the two others in the apartment would kill him should he wake them up. Sephiroth would just have to be careful, after all, he would just be out here for a moment, just to ease the tension he had felt since he had awoken in his room.

When he looked around, the sight that greeted him was both disturbing and exciting. There were three entire baskets full of candy. On the bar- as Zack and Cloud called it- in _Zack's_ apartment.

There was even one with _his_ name on it. But the most… _interesting_ piece was a heart shaped box that said to open tomorrow. From the box came a most alluring scent, and Sephiroth was tempted to open it. He resisted temptation, and simply put it away.

That morning, Sephiroth went to sleep, and crushed the hopes of catching the once Silver General's first reaction to Easter morning.

Well, it was actually only Cloud disappointed in that. Zack was just looking forward to the blackmail that would come out of the catnip. He even had his video camera ready….

WHAT – A – MESS!

Cloud had gone back to bed only an hour after the little Sephiroth had left behind his Easter Basket in favor of sleep. Both, in Zack's opinion, were total wusses.

He decided to go and wake the little pussy's up, and while Cloud was okay with the sudden disruption, Sephy _was not._ In short, it ended with Zack running from a five year old that looked astonishingly like the missing General, while said five year old was running around with a knife.

Which, Zack learned later, he had kept underneath his pillow.


	6. Problems Arise

What a Mess! Chapter 5

A/N: Holy… Sweet mother of Sephiroth, 18 reviews! XD right when I admit that I am having trouble writing this, you guys step outta the shadows….

Quick thanks to everyone:

My old reviewers: **Kairin597**: My very first reviewer! Thanks for giving me ideas!  
**Purple Pallbearer: **XD Even I hadn't thought of that much!  
**Wingsong5555:** I know, right… especially after you read _this_.

NEW PEOPLE! :)  
**ItamiAngel-chan: **Oh my… Kira? (Laughs) Well, I am glad you enjoy this!  
**Valkyrie**: *Gasps* Thank you! No worries, many more kitty traits will surface soon enough! ….. Of course…. Right after this little angst session…. DX  
**GNXmike: **Yeppers, I got a kick out of that to!

If you guys _really_ want me to **write another chapter** before DotC… **24** **reviews**… At least. I have an extra little Fourth of July chapter if you guys want it, so yeah!

WHAT – THE – HELL?

Ever since the Easter incident, Cloud and Zack had taken to making sure that Sephiroth did not have offending metal objects hidden underneath his pillow. It had taken about two weeks before he just started automatically doing it, rather than having Zack or Cloud take it away right before bed.

He still didn't feel entirely comfortable without it, Sephiroth supposed, but he would grow accustomed to it eventually.

His only question now, was, why hadn't Hojo come and gotten him? It had been a considerable amount of time since he had arrived here- he _still_ had no idea how he had gotten here- and knowing Hojo, he would have wanted to see him at least once or twice a week, if not more.

Yet, he had been here with Cloud and Zack without any interruptions from the good Professor.

He had been especially surprised when, even rampaging around the building Zack lived in; no one ever entertained the idea of stopping him. Even odder, he _had _noticed that one or two white-coats had been in the crowd.

Sephiroth felt uneasy, and he was beginning to worry for his two caretaker's safety. Even if he was human, Zack and Cloud were far more precious to him than his own life. If he had to go back to Hojo… He only hoped that the spikey haired men were not punished for what they had been giving him, as many of the friendlier scientists had disappeared when he was younger.

That was it, he decided, he was going to protect Zackary and Cloud if it was the last thing he did.

WHAT – TO – DO?

Cloud had noticed that Sephiroth had taken to staying up later, going to bed only minutes before he took off. He thought it was some kind of stage that all kids go through, he himself had gone through the point in life where you want to be treated like you were older, and took little note of it.

Zack on the other hand, as far as he could tell, was getting extremely worried about the boy. He didn't explain why exactly to Cloud, only told him that he was worried about Sephiroth.

It all came down to the point where Cloud was coming over late, he had a mission with the army that ran later than usual, and it was nearly 2 in the morning. Outside the door, knife in hand, was a little boy with a black bandanna on head while silver hair pooled around him.

Cloud gasped at the sight, understanding dawning on him. This was why the little boy had been so irritable of late! The blond teen decided that he would put this defiant little boy to rest if it was the last thing he did.

He didn't mean to take that _quite_ so literally.

The little boy looked up, eyes glazed over in what Cloud thought was caused by lack of sleep, but the blond was ultimately surprised when Sephiroth actually _attacked_ him.

It was completely unprovoked, and the normally passive five-year old looked like an animal, fierce, and rather scary. He let out a surprised yelp when he had to hold Sephiroth's arm to prevent the boy from stabbing him. "ZACK!" Cloud yelled for his SOLDIER friend to help him restrain the child. "GET YOUR _ASS_ OUT HERE!"

He had to keep Sephiroth restrained, without hurting the boy too much, for five minutes before his good friend came out. "Cloud…?" Zack's voice was uneasy, confused, and very tired when he walked out on the scene. When the first class finally comprehended exactly what was going on, he yelped in surprise. "Cloud!" He ran over to the wrestling match and managed to grab Sephiroth, taking his weapon and ultimately destroying the threat.

When they brought him back inside, Zack was surprisingly calm as he placed Sephiroth in a chair and tied his hands to it.

Sephiroth only glared at them, occasionally baring his teeth at his two caretakers when they looked directly at him. When they managed to take the bandanna off, they saw his silver ears were flattened hard against his skull- It reminded Cloud of a Nibel wolf cornered.

Zack didn't react to the Sephiroth's aggressive attitude; he only went over to his cabinet and grabbed a syringe like that used for shots. He filled it with a mysterious substance, and then walked over to the agitated boy, looking at him with slight fear on his face at the sight of the needle, and gave him the shot.

Sephiroth looked slightly confused, his ears actually coming up from their positions to display curiosity at the lack of pain. Cloud felt every bit as confused as the young boy, but when he threw Zack questioning looks, the elder teen didn't respond, only watched Sephiroth, apparently waiting for something. Three seconds later, the little boy yawned, and no matter how hard he tried to keep his eyes open, fury radiating from them, they still shut, his aggression snuffed out as he fell into a drugged sleep.

As Sephiroth fell asleep, he saw that Zack relaxed, and turned to Cloud with a hesitant smile on his face.

"Guess I have a fair bit of explaining to do, don't I?" The spikey haired First giggled a bit when Cloud's eyebrow marginally migrated upwards to his scalp.

WHAT – A – MESS!

As Zack finished explaining, he watched Cloud's face contort in what both believed to be righteous anger toward the greasy head of the science department.

"You mean that General Sephiroth suffered _all of his life_ with a treatable brain disorder?" Zack shrugged, he had just figured that part out, but it was the truth.

"I don't know much about bipolar disorder, and what I do know, I learned from Tseng, and Sephiroth himself." His voice wasn't resigned, just truthful. Cloud rubbed his temples, and then looked toward their sleeping charge.

"What can we do?" Cloud ran his fingers through Sephiroth's hair, causing the boy to unconsciously relax. Zack sighed.

"Honestly, when he was the General, I couldn't do much for him except drug him on the manic days, and force him to talk to me on his more depressed days. I kinda was hoping that he only started showing his symptoms when he was older, but obviously, no such luck for us.

"I mean, why would the all-powerful General have to go to a head doctor?" All of a sudden, Zack and Cloud blinked as they realized the same thing in synchronization. Zack grinned while Cloud looked happily at the sleeping person in question.

Cloud untied the boy, and he went limp, but Cloud was quick to take charge and held the boy in a hug. "But he's not the General anymore…" Cloud voiced both of their thoughts, and but Zack finished.

"So now he can get help!" Zack actually had to get up and work off some of his extra energy with squats, before both were finally able to go to sleep.

A/N: Right, if you haven't noticed my mentions of bipolar disorder up 'til now, I suggest you go back and re-read this.

Bipolar Disorder is in fact a very serious condition of the brain where the person suffering can pass back and forth from 'mania' to 'depression'. I believe Sephiroth may have _actually_ been suffering from it in the canon universe. Mainly because there is a lot of evidence that something was seriously wrong with him. Do a little research on it, you'd be surprised.


	7. Y U SO PALE, ZACK?

What a Mess!

A/N: Well…. I can say I'm sorry, but don't blame the cripple?

T_T

Umm, this is set before the chapter I posted earlier….. UUUUMmmm….. Yeah.

Quick thanks to everyone: Huggles all around! Even more huggles will be given if you stick with this crazy author.

My old reviewers:  
**GNXmike: **Thanks for liking this explanation!**  
Purple Pallbearer**: Huggles to Seph from Purple Pallbearer!*… Waits for the Neko/boy…..*Seph gives his own huggles back!**  
Kairin597**: Yep, Hojo screwed him over, didn't he?**  
Wingsong5555**: Can't agree with you more.**  
Kiwasaki-chan3**: He should go rot in a vat of Mako, preferably with Jenova's head right beside him. **  
Valkyrie**: Nope, I don't mind at all if you want chappys on your computer. Thanks!

New People!  
**Kiyosaisei Ichimaru**: Thank you! **  
Adele365**: Thank you, he is just so KAWAII! *Squees and tries to glomp* *KAM slaps me upside head "…Baka…"***  
evilly-innocent**: He is just so damn cute, I know! Thank you!  
**zexydemyx66**: Thanks!  
**Shigeki-Hizashi**: Thank you! :D

WHAT – THE – HELL?

It had now been quite a while since the infamous- at least to the people of Shinra- Easter incident, actually it was now in the month of July. A little known fact was that it was exactly this day two years ago that the war with Wutai 'officially' ended. Officially. Between the SOLDIER's and other people who worked with the higher ups all knew that there had been battles placed sporadically in time ever since. Actually, just last week Zack himself had been sent off to dispose of one of their task forces.

It made the First Class want to roll his eyes, personally.

Kunsel and Luckier were the most curious of anyone who had seen the little boy chasing him down. They knew that something had been distracting the seventeen year old, but they were not able to place their suspicions until they were slapped across the face by a little boy who looked surprisingly like the missing General.

"What is he, Sephiroth's kid?" Damn, Zack thought, he wasn't far off. Kunsel was an information hound, and until he was satisfied with what he was learning, he wasn't going to stop looking for answers.

"No, not exactly." Zack saw Kunsel frown, and he guessed that that particular explanation had been Kunsel's baby. He really wished that he could see the look on his face, few things in the world could make the helmeted second class frown.

"Not much else makes a lot of sense then." Zack shrugged. Since when had their lives made sense? Not since Genesis defected, probably. Kunsel coughed a little, and that was when Zack realized that he had spoken aloud. He blushed faintly, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly, and his friend laughed a little.

That was when the little Vice President, Rufus Shinra, and a Turk shadow that Zack did not recognize, appeared out of the shadows. "Lieutenant Fair. My father wishes to speak with you." Kunsel's mouth dropped, but Zack shrugged again. He complied, because the Turk in front of him had a dangerous look about her, the little jagged knives along her belt did not help him in the slightest.

She just stared at him coolly, completely assured of herself in front of her charge.

Until the moment she began to move again, her eyes widening as she tripped over something, and fell down. Black hair fell into her face, and her knives fell all over the floor. Rufus gave her a coolly amused look, and Kunsel went over to her to help her up. She looked embarrassed, if her face meant anything. Zack grinned just a bit at the fallen Turk, even as Kunsel helped her.

Rufus shook his head, before waving Zack forward to follow him to the President's office. He picked up a shoe he had 'accidentally dropped' as the Turk stepped in. The knife-armed Turk glared at him, but her hands were tied due to her boss.

Oh, yes the small things in life made everything worth it. That dirty trick in particular was payback for the last time Seph had to go to Dr. Psycho.

WHAT – TO – DO?

Knife knew herself to be particularly clumsy at the most inopportune of times, but _this time_ it was that damn SOLDIER's fault! She glared a hole into the back of his head, before snapping to attention as her boss looked at her once more. She wanted to take it out on his hair, preferably shaving it off using one of her knives, and Veld would have let her, because he was supportive of the Turk/SOLDIER war that was on.

But _nooooo_, Tseng wanted to build 'Good Relations' with SOLDIER operatives. And since Veld disappeared, she was stuck with Tseng as a commander.

The damn softy.

But seeing Lieutenant Fair's reaction, as well as capturing it on camera, would be plenty revenge.

"Oh, hi Ernie!" Oh…. Dear god- not now! "What's up?" A familiar blonde ponytail was seen bobbing straight into the room. She could hear Zack's laughter, and saw a blond eyebrow go up on her boss. Her own face could be felt blushing.

"Acacia… I'm on duty…." That seemed to dampen the other Turk, but the girl more commonly called 'Shotgun' or 'Ace' shrugged it off. She smiled widely as she saluted the vice president.

"Hello sir, Zack. Don't mind Ernestine here, she's all show with that scary attitude of hers!" That sent Fair into another fit of laughter, broken up by reiterating her unfortunate name. Even Rufus had started to chuckle, and he had a name that was almost as bad! Even as the dark haired woman blushed fiercely, Ace only smiled her big innocent smile. That smile was evil, the Turk decided. She couldn't be mad at Shotgun even if she wanted to be. Zack, however, was an open target.

She pinned the teen even as he tried to control his giggles, and held a jagged knife up to his throat. "If you tell anyone…." Her voice was a growl, and she saw Zack's Adam's apple bob as he gulped.

"Knife." Rufus' voice was cold, solemn, telling her to back off of the only SOLDIER first they had now.

"Yes, Sir…." As the two, SOLDIER and VP, went into the President's huge office, the offended woman held up her camera.

This was going to be good.

WHAT – A – MESS!

"And that's all that happened!" Zack's cheerful voice broke through the silence, and Cloud glanced down at the little boy beneath him.

"Bull, Zack." Sephiroth made a little snort at Cloud's statement. It was true, but still….. They didn't have to be so, so _mean_ about it! Zack just didn't want to tell them what had happened.

"Come on, tell us what the President had to say!" Sephiroth piped up, genuinely curious. Zack was worried about the boy. His elder self had suffered from bipolar disorder, and he had to wonder if it had carried over. Zack didn't know much about the disorder, only that Sephiroth needed his help on a regular basis to keep it in check. He was worried, because though this young slip of a boy had been happy, he had shown signs of being on the downward slope of the scale.

"Ah…. I don't think you two need to know that yet…."

Then, that _damn_ Turk, Knife, popped out of _nowhere _on his TV_, _scaring the wits out of him, and said, "Why, I do believe I have an important announcement to make to all SOLDIER personal. In light of the Generals recent disappearance, we have had to promote his second in command, Zackary Fair, to General." Knife grinned, devious.

"Let's see what his reaction is."

She, of course, had put on the clip of him in the President's office.

Cloud, Sephiroth, and Zack watched as his face paled, and he fell back on to the floor in a dead faint.

Cloud burst out laughing, Seph gave him a look of disappointment, and Zack groaned loudly.

"Oh… too bad…." Knife all but purred. "Anyways, that is all for Shinra news."

Zack Fair buried his head in the blanket. "Someone _please_ kill me now…"

"That would be the easy way out," Sephiroth teased lightly. "I want to be kept updated, Cloud."

Cloud made a mock salute. "As you wish."

Zack spoke up against them. "Treason, Blasphemy! I can get you kicked out now!"

But Cloud only laughed. "Whatever you say, General Fair!"

XXXXX

A/N: Ummm…

Review?


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